Musings

Siren

A siren is a signal
There is a need greater than yours
A siren is a warning
Surrender or see blood on your hands

A siren is a temptress
Sweet final serenade
She will lure you
to the darkest pockets of ocean
Her soul lies at the bottom
Play deaf to her calls
she doesn’t need you
to drown herself

beach shoreline

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Musings, Uncategorized

A Response to All the Excess Baggage

I previously posted this on Facebook, but I’ve decided to post it also here.

It has just recently come to my attention that my ex (hereon referred to as “X”) has been talking about me on YouTube and in an online blog in an extremely unfavourable manner. I am far from faultless (and I’ve long apologized for the pain I caused), but I do know that many of the things X has said are far from the truth. We share many common friends, classmates, and even teachers, and so in the interest of airing my side, I would just like to respond to certain things that X has claimed about me.

  1. X claims I taught X how to smoke and drink. For the record, I never pressured X into doing any of those things. I never even suggested X try them.
  2. X claims I was extremely selfish. Definitely, I was not perfect. But I was generous in the ways I knew how. I spent all my money on X, especially when X ran away from home. I spent all my free time with X and gave gifts often. Not used to being showered with affection, X always (consciously or not) reciprocated by trying to do even more, bending over backwards to cater to me to the point that it became unhealthy.
  3. X paints me as materialistic, asking for new items like clothes even when X’s budget was tight. I never requested new things from X. X was the one who insisted on buying me things even when it was difficult to afford them. X was not that good in managing money, but I never pressured X into spending for any of my wants.
  4. X claims my own sisters said X deserved better than me. As I have confirmed with them, they did not say that.
  5. X claims I blamed X for everything that would go wrong. This is not true. I vented out often to X, as is normal in relationships. I sought emotional support. What we were not aware of then was X’s mental illness. It was only after things ended that X was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. These conditions may have been a big factor in X getting so affected when I was in a bad mood. X spent four years trying to be the main caregiver in the relationship, when actually, it was X’s own self and mind that needed the most care.

I am not trained in psychology, and so I do not know if X’s decision to publicly share the details of our relationship and my supposed wicked character is actually helpful in the healing process. It’s been almost 10 years, an awfully long time to dig up the past and one’s own version of events. I have my fair share of dirt on X as well, but let me try to be the bigger person and not reveal it in retaliation. This post’s purpose is only to clear my name, not drag X’s name down too. I just hope that those in our common circles that come across X’s account are able to find out my side as well.

Guys, I may be far from perfect, but come on, I’m not evil. Haha. I’m portrayed as one demon in X’s life, but it’s been so long that I can’t help but feel that the real demons are all in X’s mind. So here’s to hoping X finds peace.

And now… for the hashtags! (I could think of many really great but kind of mean ones, but… bigger person. Bigger person. I am the bigger person. Haha). Friends are welcome though to be mean on my behalf. Hahaha.

#xfiles #xcessbaggage #publicdisplayofaffliction #maturity #mentalhealth #depression

Musings, Parenting, Uncategorized

Fitbit Charge 3: One Month Progress Update

Last month, Casey and I bought Fitbits so that we could begin tracking our daily activity with the goal of leading a less sedentary lifestyle. After one month of daily use, I am happy to report that we have achieved visible results. While we made use of all the tracker’s features, the extent varied according to which features were more helpful to our individual situations. Casey used the heart rate monitor and step counter to help him get effective run sessions and ensure he reached 10,000 daily steps. I made extensive use of the food log and heart rate monitor to aid me in losing weight and ensuring my walks burned a respectable number of calories, which to me is just a modest minimum of 100 calories per session, as I bring Wolf with me on my walks.

Mom and baby exercise

It is quite challenging to get some decent exercise in with a toddler that tires easily and stops to look at every single thing on the road, but I figured out a way to keep my heart rate up during our walks. I jog in place for most of the time. It definitely makes me look silly, but I believe the results are worth it! Haha.

Just for comparison, here is a picture from my boudoir shoot last year, back when I was completely sedentary, placed beside my most recent picture taken the other day.

Before and after one month fitbit use

And this is my most recent front-facing picture. It’s amazing how there is already a noticeable difference in my body just after one month of light daily exercise of 20-30 minutes and food logging.

Mom weight loss one month

After one month of round-the-clock use of the Fitbit Charge 3, Casey lost 1.5 kg, while I lost 1.6 kg.

Dad weight loss
Casey’s weight loss after one month
Mom weight loss
My weight loss after one month

We didn’t do any extreme diets or strenuous gym workouts, just mindful eating and jogging around the village. Baby steps! We are not aiming to lose weight rapidly, because what is more important to us is being able to live a healthier lifestyle for the long term. Here’s to our continuous progress!

Mom weight loss after one month

Musings, Parenting, Uncategorized

Fitbit Charge 3: First Impressions

If you’ve read my previous post about losing baby weight, you’d know that I am a total stranger to exercise. Thus far, I have maintained a normal weight through diet. I lost the baby weight mainly through breastfeeding and moderating my food intake. This year though, I want to start some form of regular exercise, and the main reason is my husband. Last year, we found out that his cholesterol and blood pressure levels are not ideal. The best way to fix these issues is through diet and exercise. I am really sedentary by nature, and I know this does nothing to inspire my husband to get fit. On his own, he tries to get some exercise in, but I know that if I could accompany him sometimes while he bikes or runs around the village, he would be more motivated. And so when he decided to buy a Fitbit Charge 3 to help him track his daily activity, I decided to buy one as well. The money we used was from our Christmas cash gifts from my parents. So thank you, Mama and Papa, for the gift of health! Haha.

Fitbit Charge 3

I knew that Fitbit would help me make changes to my lifestyle, because the app appeals to my detail-oriented nature. As I am pretty OC when it comes to my body, I knew that I would appreciate how the Fitbit app provides a streamlined way for me to record daily activities. The app combines information that, previously, I would have to access through three different apps! The features that I think I will find particularly useful are the sleep insights, food log, and fertility calendar. For Casey, the heart rate monitor, sleep insights, and water intake log are proving quite beneficial so far.

I purchased my Fitbit Charge 3 just yesterday afternoon. I set it up last night and was able to track my sleep. I have always been a heavy dreamer, and through the insights from last night, I confirmed that I spend more time in REM sleep than the average. Haha. I set a few modest exercise and weight loss goals already, which the app used to calibrate how many calories I need to burn. Today, I tried logging my food intake, and I was pleased with how I could input the exact amount of food and easily change the unit of measurement.

Fitbit sleep log

Fitbit food log

I am a sucker for visual appeal and am usually willing to pay more for things that look better, and that’s why I ended up getting the Charge 3 Special Edition Lavender Woven Band/Rose Gold Aluminum. No regrets here as the band is really pretty. The woven band is slightly thinner compared to the classic elastomer band, thus making the tracker look more at home on my petite wrist. The app itself is also easy on the eyes and easy to navigate.

Fitbit Charge 3 Woven Lavender Special Edition

Wolf and I also went on our first tracked walk today. For my daily step goal, I set it at a very modest 4000, because I have to take Wolf into account. Sure enough, at 3000 steps, Wolf asked to be carried already. On the bright side, that’s some weight training for me! Haha.

Fitbit exercise log

Fitbit weight log

So far, I think the Fitbit Charge 3 is a great tool for anyone who wants to become more aware of their body and set some exercise goals. I’m hoping it will help our family become less lazy. I don’t want to lose my husband early to a heart attack. I don’t want Wolf to grow up thinking that exercise is not important. Till this point I’ve been such a sleep-loving human, but I need to at least try and set a good example, so here goes. Haha. Here’s to our health!

Musings

Ode to my General

From the first foray
Armour was cast aside
like clothes in a frenzy
White flags raised
Sighs surrendered
in honour of a love that could
Breathe

So unlike past lovers, tepid desire
Festering discontent
Poison buds whispered caution
Ignored at first but
impossible to make history
Transient cadets were
just parlay for

You, bastion of charm
I, worthy muse
You fired
I screamed
General, desist!
You killed in battle
I won

The war is constant
between kings and queens
but blood can do no better

When did I know?
The first time
you fit like the last puzzle piece
The first time
you let your guard down
The first time
we silently wished the same

Certain times I knew but
Always I felt
No strategy could outwit
the simple truth

You were born to conquer my heart

Ode to my General picture