Musings, Uncategorized

A Response to All the Excess Baggage

I previously posted this on Facebook, but I’ve decided to post it also here.

It has just recently come to my attention that my ex (hereon referred to as “X”) has been talking about me on YouTube and in an online blog in an extremely unfavourable manner. I am far from faultless (and I’ve long apologized for the pain I caused), but I do know that many of the things X has said are far from the truth. We share many common friends, classmates, and even teachers, and so in the interest of airing my side, I would just like to respond to certain things that X has claimed about me.

  1. X claims I taught X how to smoke and drink. For the record, I never pressured X into doing any of those things. I never even suggested X try them.
  2. X claims I was extremely selfish. Definitely, I was not perfect. But I was generous in the ways I knew how. I spent all my money on X, especially when X ran away from home. I spent all my free time with X and gave gifts often. Not used to being showered with affection, X always (consciously or not) reciprocated by trying to do even more, bending over backwards to cater to me to the point that it became unhealthy.
  3. X paints me as materialistic, asking for new items like clothes even when X’s budget was tight. I never requested new things from X. X was the one who insisted on buying me things even when it was difficult to afford them. X was not that good in managing money, but I never pressured X into spending for any of my wants.
  4. X claims my own sisters said X deserved better than me. As I have confirmed with them, they did not say that.
  5. X claims I blamed X for everything that would go wrong. This is not true. I vented out often to X, as is normal in relationships. I sought emotional support. What we were not aware of then was X’s mental illness. It was only after things ended that X was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. These conditions may have been a big factor in X getting so affected when I was in a bad mood. X spent four years trying to be the main caregiver in the relationship, when actually, it was X’s own self and mind that needed the most care.

I am not trained in psychology, and so I do not know if X’s decision to publicly share the details of our relationship and my supposed wicked character is actually helpful in the healing process. It’s been almost 10 years, an awfully long time to dig up the past and one’s own version of events. I have my fair share of dirt on X as well, but let me try to be the bigger person and not reveal it in retaliation. This post’s purpose is only to clear my name, not drag X’s name down too. I just hope that those in our common circles that come across X’s account are able to find out my side as well.

Guys, I may be far from perfect, but come on, I’m not evil. Haha. I’m portrayed as one demon in X’s life, but it’s been so long that I can’t help but feel that the real demons are all in X’s mind. So here’s to hoping X finds peace.

And now… for the hashtags! (I could think of many really great but kind of mean ones, but… bigger person. Bigger person. I am the bigger person. Haha). Friends are welcome though to be mean on my behalf. Hahaha.

#xfiles #xcessbaggage #publicdisplayofaffliction #maturity #mentalhealth #depression

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Musings

Still Life

Who am i
a one-legged soldier drafted for war
facing bullets without needing worn-out sympathy
eyes shut waiting for sweet release

Where am i
alone in an untrodden forest
drawn to dreams of rabbitholes that lead nowhere
waking up trapped in skin
that sags from pretending

What am i
just a pebble that makes no ripples
when sacrificed to the pond
or a twig that makes no sound
when crushed under a weary foot